Selamat datang melaka!

Went on a 2 day 1 night trip to Malacca with 9 other girls (Powerpuff girls, colleagues, ex-colleagues) as part of our farewell present to Angela and what a great trip it was. We stayed in a fantastic hotel right smack where the Saturday night pasar malam was and walking distance to the sights and great food. Our hotel was Hotel Puri, which was converted from some rich businessman's mansion from early 19th century. The facade was really classical and I love the old tiles, furniture and decor which was left mostly unchanged. The rooms themselves were comfortable and looked newly renovated. One of the room, which was a family room, was big enough for all 10 of us if we wanted to squeeze in together!

Fei was a whiz at organizing the trip from the bus tics, to accommodation and food choices. We tried the famous chicken rice balls, chendol, nonya laska, mee siam, nonya chicken wings, Portuguese devil's curry and other various scrumptious food. And everything was really cheap too! Though the weather was hot, we walked around quite a bit and i spent all my money on buying funny orangutan tshirts for myself and wilk, eating and alcohol on saturday night. I also exhausted both my camera batteries taking snapshots of various sights and people. The unfortunately thing was that while doing so i also accidentally dropped wilk's spare SD storage card which i did not noticed was in the camera bag (sorry!!). Hopefully no compromising pictures inside... well, with me and wilk, sometimes its hard to say (haha).

Anyway, good trip for all, great to catch up with WF and Zic and even MH ended up much more well-rested than her weekend at home. More poignant was that this would probably be the last trip (for a long while) for all the Powerpuff girls to take together before going our separate ways in the coming months. We laughed at how "lao er" was the first to go instead of this "lao da" here. And how even "lao yao" will also be leaving at the end of the year after "lao san". Seems funny at first but its really just the start of a series of goodbyes.

Saw everyone enjoying themselves and each other's company was nice. I think Angela was also touched and happy to have sometime to spend with the girls before she go. Can't say i did very much, cos' in situations like this, i am more often standing on the sidelines than jumping in the thick of action. Guess "lao da" is quite a boring person and has poor group skills. Hahaha. But i am very contented to look at everyone and watch what's happening quietly because it's difficult to shake off the fact that this is a 'goodbye'. Not just for Angela, but in some ways, also for myself. So I am just attempting to imprint people as they are, the way they talk, play, have fun and be themselves with my camera. It also gives me time to think about what these girls mean to me and who they really are as a person because sometimes when you are right in the midst of the action, you will hardly have time to do so.

Some of the things i found out and love them for:

If there were to be any more trips like this, always room LS & Kat together because they are both crazy, passion-filled, nutty girls that are just light up places with their internal sunshine. LS love taking photos just slightly more than posing for them while Kat love posing for photos just slightly more than taking them. In some ways LS is alot like me when i am channelling my sunshine bear from within. Her forwardness and candid look at life speaks volumes about her personality. In a lot of ways both Kat & LS are alike in both their outlook and their inherent optimism which can be really contagious (even lethal when they are together) if natural pessimistic folks are not careful. Both are not prone to show much signs of sadness to others but seems to have an unusual ability to see the best (or funny) side to any bad situation. Of course Kat is a little bit more of the shopping queen (great bargainer) & dress-up gal but just give LS abit more time and encouragement, i am sure there will be a day she will surprise up in that dept once she start to feel more comfortable with herself & more confident with a more feminine image.

Regardless of her sometimes quiet & aloof exterior, zic is just as girly and chatty as PS, which makes them great roomies because they share more things in common than they realized such as multiple-steps facial routines, the simultaneous neglect in bringing toothpaste and shopping. Perhaps the most amazing thing to me (but its really an utterly simple thing) was the fact that zic washes all her clothes by hand despite looking very much like a girl being waited-upon from hand to foot at home. And when she said it, it was with an easy smile and absolute candor that for some reasons pretty much floored me completely.

It is really hard to find anyone nicer than PS in the whole world so it is not surprising that there isn't much more nice things i can observed about this dear girl in this trip which i have not seen or said before. She was always cheerful and sweet, even when shopping for gifts, i wonder how much she has spent on others instead of herself. Of course there are times when i couldn't help but laugh about her confession of being clueless with directions (that was after we half worried that the reason of her, kat and zic being late was that she was lost), her genuine excitement when she spoke about talking to her roomie comparing facial products and finding her and zic eating the same type of ice cream together while buying things, like two peas in a pod.

Fi has a serious and mature side of her in managing her own life, not often seen in causal interactions. Yes, at times she can be abit grouchy (like me) but its funny to see how she takes the place of being the 'grown-up', rolling her eyes at the antics of the young ones, just as soon as she participates in them in the next minute. Guess that chirpy bouncy persona of hers, at times settles into a mature, firm young lady, with great sardonic wit. But most of all, to me, she will always be that funny humming girl with a penchant for white doggies (esp smiley ones).

WF looks so much more serious than she really is and understood rude jokes despite her rather prim & proper look. She is always smiling and steadfast in her conviction to do her part in saving our environment, talking the talk and walking the walk. Just being around her, a living example, constantly makes me think twice about using more plastic bag or turning on the aircon and doing my bit too. Ah, and she can drink as much as she said she can and sleeps in in the morning.

Fei isn't much different in how she handles work or relationships, in her attitude and organizational abilities. She treats everyone fairly and as independent adult, asking nothing more than being treated the same way. Being a roomie has one great advantage, no beating about the bush or having to feel like needing to bend oneself backward on either parties to accommodate each other. One thing though, she is definitely one who will be very house-proud and makes a damn good hostess. One of the most independent and emotionally confident person i've ever knew.

MH... is the least like anyone i know and the exact opposite of fei. I saw how she tries her best to be part of a group that is obviously quite alien to her and there's a little bit of the simplicity and guilelessness in MH that is both innocent and rare. It would be much easier to think of her as silly and easily taken advantage of but really, she is only trying her best to be what she thinks makes a good wife and Christian. It's strangely enduring the way she indulged in her little 'follies' like cuttlefish away from her hubby but it just bellies a greater problem of how much she can be subjected to being bullied if she does not start to understand her own worth. It will be too cruel to say that she ought to be pitied now that i saw her away from her "M" and know her a little bit more. All i can say is, i am just more worried.

As for Angela... I doubt there are any more things one does not know after working closely together for the past 6 years and being good friends for most of those years. The trip is really more for her to know the others and saying goodbye to them in her way than saying goodbye to me. Frankly, a lot of things can be understood without being spoken and like me, while we will complain like hell when we are angry, its unusual to see either of us share about sadness (even to each other) vocally. I guess we respect each other's way of coping with changes and life but its not without understanding where each other is coming from for the fear of being misunderstood. Besides, making farewell too touchy and weepy will just make Angela uncomfortable and who knows.. draw tears which i am sure she will loathe to show in public. :) Its better to go with a laugh than feeling like a million emotions are holding you back.

Will put the photos up soon. Wished that wilk's mac didn't die cos' he is really good at sorting out photos, editing them and posting up on flickr. Oh well...

"Betrayed"

Wanted to post this a while back but been hampered by a lot of things happening...

Remember i said i had told my HOD about my intention to leave? Well, at that time, she tried her best to convince me and fei to stay longer so as to help her managed with two new staff in our department; individually asking fei to stay till Sept and me, till end of the year. Looking at how stressed she was and considering the new girls, me and fei gave our agreement to extend our proposed time of departure.

I still remembered my HOD going on and on about how she felt responsible for the new staff and despite all that has happened in school, she felt its her duty to help these new girls till their confirmation and settled into the school before thinking of other plans. She also shared how she understood our reasons for leaving but said that she could not do the same.

What a load of bullshit.

Right after the March school hols, she took a day off for 'personal reasons' on the day she was due in our school. I recalled telling fei jokingly that perhaps she has gone for a job interview. The very next day she called us together and dropped the whole bombshell on us.

Yes. She is leaving.
Yes. She has accepted another place's offer.
And get this... she starts in her new place from mid June, making her last day here the end of May.

WAY before either of us.

What a horrible thing to do and being betrayed is the most polite thing i can say right now about her. She literally suckered us to stay and she happily took off herself. So much for us for trying to have some integrity by informing her of our decision early so that she could prepare for it. She didn't even gave us any hint or warning before she went off and got another job.

And you know what the most disgusting thing is?

While telling us her decision, all she could do was self-centeredly telling us how it wouldn't matter if she stay on till end of the year or otherwise (conveniently forgetting how she had begged us to stay till then and how it would make a big difference to HER). How good her new job is. How interesting her interview went. How one of the thing that interest her was supervising new psychologists so that they have a good foundation. I believe that it was at this point our new psychologist walked out of the meeting, on the pretext of getting her lunch and didn't come back till much later.

*Shake head* Man... i just wanted to whack her there and then. It's so UNBELIEVABLE! The gall to waltz in and tell us all this without so much as a sense of guilt and remorse or even the slightest embarrassment.

Now management wants to promote me to fill up a supervisory gap and despite me not wanting to take the job (second time it was offered since i rejected it the first time late last year while HOD was still 'alive' in our dept), i was tempted to take it partially just to spite that woman because i knew she wouldn't ever recommended me for the post if she was around (even the first time mgt offered, it was behind her back).

But i guess i also have to face the reality of things. Everyone is just looking out for themselves and if they could scrapgoat you just to get off this sinking ship, they would. No matter how much 'integrity' they have. I am just the stupid idiot that fell right for it cos' i believed in having integrity and bearing moral responsibility, even towards a place or people that stopped practicing them.

Bye Bye!

Yesterday was Angela's last day but I missed it because i was at home on MC. Wonder if it was a blessing in disguise because it made saying "Bye" a lot less... sad. Still it was hard driving into the school carpark and not seeing her car anymore. Quite a big wallop that says even my best friend at work has left this dumpster of a place and I'm gonna be alone. Felt like shit on a Friday morning, and it ain't the virus talking either.

It is perhaps of small wonder that i fell sick on Wednesday just before the farewell lunch which i have helped planned. Dunno sick or sad or what... but i couldn't eat much and absolutely have no interest in the food or the farewell speeches etc. Everyone seems pretty cheerful and all but man, i felt like a car wreck. Sadness and virus is quite a lethal combination.

Surreal. Now that Angela is gone, i find it a bit stressful that i'll no longer have a safe harbor to 'hide' myself whenever i am trying to avoid certain people at work. Used to be, Angela's room is a great place to be when i wanted to 'bitch' about someone or just vent my frustrations, she would also cover for me when people comes around to harass me. I think the other girls now occupying the room will find that a tad bit odd. Looks like there won't be much of a safe haven to let off steam now.

Sigh.

Getting there...

HAHAHA

Did my own little editing and finally got a semblance of my own template back.
Needs more work though... but for now, i am comfortable with it.

Ahhhhhh..... :)

Fine!

No choice... Have swapped and abandoned the template i liked so much but not supported on New Blogger. Roll Eyes. There you go.. the template i had picked from the LIMITED selection available. Comment box had to be one supplied by the blogger site. Byebye YACCS. But that's okie. Wanted to changed that for a while anyway.

Sniff.

I hate being forced.


Idiots.

No Mood

Really finding it less and less motivating to blog because of the stupid "white-out" problem... I think i gave up hope of ever finding out what's wrong with it. Seems that new IE and new Blogger isn't working that fantastically together.

No mood to update my life much also because life isn't that interesting since i got back to singapore from melbourne. Looks like it will be a while before there will be any significant changes in this aspect. Still trying to keep my head out of the water and just "survive" but it has not been easy.

Angela is leaving singapore at the end of the month. That's kind of depressing since i am going to lose one of my 'amusement' (her words, not mine) and a great support at work. It will be weird not having Angela around at work after the 21st of April since she has been here from Day 1 when i started work. Can't say that she has found me 'amusing' then, if i remembered correctly, the word 'cocky' or 'arrogant' seems to the general impression she had of me. Ahahaha shows how much things can change over time eh? We watched colleagues come and go... from a point where there were only as many therapists as you can count with two hands, till having our regular badminton and "powerpuff girls" club.. that's pretty good memories to live by and one of the things that keep me sane in this place.

That said, everyone has got to keep moving forward nonetheless. Others like PP, MeiY, Daph, Denise, WF, Dav, Eliz has all moved. Angela is moving forward. Soon it will be Fei and LS. Who will be left? But then, people came too, there was a time when Fio, PS, LS and now MH, were new too. I guess none of us are quite irreplaceable to the organization, but perhaps in some degrees we are so, in each others' minds depending on how much we had shared with each other. I wonder where do i fit into this coming and going. I very much want to go but things are just happening so slowly.

Life could be better spent than trying to make my life less miserable here. And its crazy when one is not productive and work is no longer meaningful. So, as much as i will miss Angela once she leaves... i can't say that i am not happy for her for leaving behind a work that brings no pleasure, no affirmation, no motivation and no future. Look at J now... at least he is living a fulfilling life that he has chosen compared to when he was here. And as her good friend at work, that's what i hope Angela will have too when she goes, if not move. That's one determined girl who knows what she wants and find means to get it... Well, that might be that bit of bullheadedness and all that 'nasty' things she have up her sleeves for 'fools' she cannot tolerate but at least she reflects and change when she sets her mind to it.

There will be things i don't understand about certain things she feels about people or why she said certain things but really, once you get pass those 'rough' edges, Angela is one true and loyal friend that stick with you through all kinda shit even if she has to slough right through it with you. Man... I am gonna miss her... I think all this while i didn't seem quite bother was probably because i have not been thinking very much about it (well, trying not to) and kept telling myself that it will be a while more before she goes... Well, its April now. She should have left on the 6th, and despite me saying that she should have rid herself of this org, i am pretty happy she extended her term till 21st.

Oh well. Nothing left to say and do... just another stark reminder that i have to start planning for myself concretely ASAP. Misery breeds contempt. I am one contemptuous bitch right now and ain't afraid to show it. But that shouldn't be the way.

I guess... its my time to go too.